Journey From Heartache To Hope

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/journey-from-heartache-to-hope-elizabeth-g-danielsen/1121225580?r=1&ean=9781490861074&kpid=9781490861074&cm_mmc=GooglePLA-_-Book_Under5-_-Q000000633-_-9781490861074

Hearing His Name

On May 11, 2006, at 32 weeks gestation, my son Eric Curtis Meadows was delivered stillborn. I had learned during a routine 20 week prenatal sonogram that my unborn child, my son, was “anencephalic” and he would not survive. Doctors advised that I terminate the pregnancy. Faced with that decision, I prayerfully chose to continue on, uncertain of how the events of the weeks ahead of me would unfold and if I would be able to survive the heartbreak and pain. I was hurt, disappointed, confused and frightened. How could this have happened to me, to my baby? I am the mother of four healthy children. Why was this pregnancy unlike the others? What does one do when God doesn’t make sense? I am a preacher’s kid, have been in church since I was born, and accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior at a very early age. I was filled with the Holy Spirit as a teen, but never was my walk with God more real than when I experienced the loss of my child. We had prayed for days following the diagnosis, praying for a miracle, praying that some error was made during the first sonogram. Even after a specialist had confirmed the diagnosis during a second sonogram, I would still find myself praying and hoping for a miracle. However, the miracle I was searching for was not the miracle God had planned for me. Throughout the weeks, I was busy attempting to document as many memories of the pregnancy as I could, while also trying to prepare myself for the loss of my son and his impending burial. On April 19, 2006, at about 28 weeks pregnant, I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios. An excess amount of amniotic fluid was collecting in the amniotic sac. This was the result of the intrauterine growth restriction caused by the anencephaly. By this time I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and had begun to worry about my own health. I remember waking one morning and saying a prayer, “God I am ready, take him home.” The weekend came and went. Monday we were back to work. I will never forget that day; it was a cold and rainy day in May. I recall sitting in a meeting and feeling uncomfortable. I remember placing my hand on my right rib cage, trying to apply pressure to ease the discomfort. What I didn’t know at that time was that my baby had rested his head there. I went to the doctor for a visit on Wednesday of that week. In my heart I knew they would not find his heartbeat. I knew my baby had passed. We went into the hospital that afternoon to induce labor. They performed a sonogram before inducing my labor and it was as if my son was nestled in my arms, his head laying on my right side and his feet were to my left. I now was concerned that they would have to perform a c-section and I was frightened. They left the room to prepare an epidural, while my father prayed. I had the epidural and the doctors returned to attempt to manually turn the baby. They performed another sonogram before they began the process. To their surprise and ours, the baby was now in the correct position for labor and delivery. This was the miracle God had planned for me. How neat it was to hear my midwife say it was divine intervention. It was God! God just performed a miracle, in my hospital room, in my body. On May 16th, 2006, we had a funeral service for our son. I spoke at the service. I stated that, “I truly believe I understand God’s purpose for this journey.” Today, I don’t know if I completely did understand at that time or even do now. I feel that God is still unveiling His purpose to me. I will always feel privileged that God chose me to carry an angel. Through my support of Spiritual Care Support Ministries I have been able to recognize my son’s life. A child that survived in my womb for 32 weeks is now with God, perfect, and whole. I am thankful to SCSM for making a Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony available. It was an honor to hear my son’s name called amongst those that would have a light lit in their memory. Also as a thank you for my donation made to SCSM in memory of my son, I had received a bookmark that had my son’s name printed across it. That bookmark is still in my Bible today. Any mom will tell you how wonderful it feels to see your child’s name in print. I am so thankful that I was greeted at SCSM by a caring and supportive staff, who were there to help meet my needs as I went through what will be one of the hardest experiences in my life, the loss of a child.