Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman co-founded http://www.babble.com/ a website for parents. A friend sent me a link to a presentation this couple made that was posted on http://www.ted.com/ . In this presentation Babble.com publishers Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman, in a lively tag-team, expose 4 facts that parents never, ever admit -- and why they should. Funny and honest, for parents and non-parents alike.
Taboo #3 "You can't talk about your miscarriage." Alisa Volkman begins to share about this difficult and painful time in her life. As she opens up and shares it reminds me of many thoughts and feelings I had when I learned the baby boy I was carrying would not survive. Alisa Volkman states, "(I felt that I had) failed at delivering what I was genetically engineered to do". I remember feeling the same way, blaming myself, what did I do or not do, why was this pregnancy different from my previous pregnancies? Alisa Volkman continues with talking about her mourning process, she explained that she felt like she didn't want to see anybody, "wanted to crawl into a hole", she didn't know how to work her way back into the surrounding community. When she did start to work her way back, she was surprised at the stories others shared with her about their own loss.
http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Newsletter Article
http://www.scsm.tv/images/document/SCSM%20Newsletter%20December%202010%20ws.pdf
See page 7 of newsletter for article titled, "Hearing His Name".
See page 7 of newsletter for article titled, "Hearing His Name".
Sunday, November 14, 2010
~Author Unknown~
Yesterday father, you fathered me.
Today dear mother, you birthed me.
I was there, you were there
We all stood witness.
I heard your whispers,
that you love me.
I heard you tell each other
how beautiful I was viewed
in my eternal quietude.
I even felt your soft caress
as you held me to your breast.
On this morn, mourn not for me.
With ethereal grace I have a name.
I have a home, I have a life...
To live through all eternity.
~Author Unknown~
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Tattoo
When our son was delivered they did make a copy of this footprints for us; a tattoo artist at Halo Tattoo in Syracuse, New York was able to capture this memory for me - permanently :-)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Biographical Essay - SEU Application completed April 2010.
- Southeastern University is a Christ centered private university that I have applied for recently as a returning student, they are currently offering an online program in Marketing. Wanted to share this essay on FB as I am also going to post it to my blog and the events described in this essay are timely as we will soon be participating in the March of Dimes- March For Babies. www.marchforbabies.org/LittleEric
Biographical Essay – Jeanette Snook Meadows
On May 11, 2006; at 32 weeks gestation, my son Eric Curtis Meadows was delivered stillborn. I had learned during a routine 20 week prenatal sonogram that my unborn child, my son, was "anencephalic" and he would not survive. Doctors advised that I terminate the pregnancy. Faced with that decision I prayerfully chose to continue on; uncertain of how the events of the weeks ahead of me would unfold and would I be able to survive the heartbreak and pain. I was hurt, disappointed, confused and frightened, how could this have happened to me, to my baby? The mother of four healthy children - why was this pregnancy unlike the others? What does one do when God doesn’t make sense?
I am a “Preacher’s Kid”, have been in church since I was born, accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior at a very early age. Was filled with the Holy Spirit as a teen, but never was my walk with God more real than when I experienced the loss of my child. We had prayed for days following the diagnosis, praying for a miracle, praying that some error was made during the first sonogram. And even after a specialist during a second sonogram had confirmed the diagnosis I would still find myself praying and hoping for a miracle. But the miracle I was searching for was not the miracle God had planned for me.
Weeks would pass I was busy attempting to document as many memories of the pregnancy as I could, while also trying to prepare myself for the loss of my son and his impending burial. On April 19, 2006 at about 28 weeks pregnant I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios, an excess amount of amniotic fluid was collecting in the amniotic sac; this was the result of the intrauterine growth restriction caused by the anencephaly. By this time I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and had begun to worry about my own health.
I remember waking one morning and saying a prayer, “God I am ready, take him home”. The weekend came and went, Monday we were back to work. I will never forget that day; it was a cold and rainy day in May. I recall sitting in a meeting, uncomfortable, I remember placing my hand on my right rib cage, trying to apply pressure to ease the discomfort. What I didn’t know at that time was my baby had rested his head there. On Wednesday of that week I went into the doctor for a visit, in my heart I knew they would not be finding his heartbeat, I knew my baby had passed.
We went into the hospital that afternoon to induce labor. Before inducing my labor they performed a sonogram and it was as if my son was nestled in my arms, his head lay on my right side and his feet were to my left. I now was concerned that they would have to perform a c-section, I was frightened. They left the room to prepare an epidural. My father prayed.
I had the epidural and the doctor’s returned to attempt to manually turn the baby. Before they began the process they performed another sonogram and to their surprise and ours the baby was now in the correct position for labor and delivery. This was the miracle God had planned for me. And how neat it was to hear my midwife say it was “divine intervention”. It was God! God just performed a miracle, in my hospital room, in my body.
On May 16th, 2006 we had a funeral service for our son, I spoke at the service. I stated that, “I truly believe I understand God’s purpose for this journey.” Today I don’t know if I completely did understand at that time or even now. I feel that God is still unveiling His purpose to me. I will always feel privileged that God chose me to carry an angel.
With further study of His Word at Southeastern University I can better understand how he was working in my life during that time and how I can better serve Him now.
Biographical Essay – Jeanette Snook Meadows
On May 11, 2006; at 32 weeks gestation, my son Eric Curtis Meadows was delivered stillborn. I had learned during a routine 20 week prenatal sonogram that my unborn child, my son, was "anencephalic" and he would not survive. Doctors advised that I terminate the pregnancy. Faced with that decision I prayerfully chose to continue on; uncertain of how the events of the weeks ahead of me would unfold and would I be able to survive the heartbreak and pain. I was hurt, disappointed, confused and frightened, how could this have happened to me, to my baby? The mother of four healthy children - why was this pregnancy unlike the others? What does one do when God doesn’t make sense?
I am a “Preacher’s Kid”, have been in church since I was born, accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior at a very early age. Was filled with the Holy Spirit as a teen, but never was my walk with God more real than when I experienced the loss of my child. We had prayed for days following the diagnosis, praying for a miracle, praying that some error was made during the first sonogram. And even after a specialist during a second sonogram had confirmed the diagnosis I would still find myself praying and hoping for a miracle. But the miracle I was searching for was not the miracle God had planned for me.
Weeks would pass I was busy attempting to document as many memories of the pregnancy as I could, while also trying to prepare myself for the loss of my son and his impending burial. On April 19, 2006 at about 28 weeks pregnant I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios, an excess amount of amniotic fluid was collecting in the amniotic sac; this was the result of the intrauterine growth restriction caused by the anencephaly. By this time I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and had begun to worry about my own health.
I remember waking one morning and saying a prayer, “God I am ready, take him home”. The weekend came and went, Monday we were back to work. I will never forget that day; it was a cold and rainy day in May. I recall sitting in a meeting, uncomfortable, I remember placing my hand on my right rib cage, trying to apply pressure to ease the discomfort. What I didn’t know at that time was my baby had rested his head there. On Wednesday of that week I went into the doctor for a visit, in my heart I knew they would not be finding his heartbeat, I knew my baby had passed.
We went into the hospital that afternoon to induce labor. Before inducing my labor they performed a sonogram and it was as if my son was nestled in my arms, his head lay on my right side and his feet were to my left. I now was concerned that they would have to perform a c-section, I was frightened. They left the room to prepare an epidural. My father prayed.
I had the epidural and the doctor’s returned to attempt to manually turn the baby. Before they began the process they performed another sonogram and to their surprise and ours the baby was now in the correct position for labor and delivery. This was the miracle God had planned for me. And how neat it was to hear my midwife say it was “divine intervention”. It was God! God just performed a miracle, in my hospital room, in my body.
On May 16th, 2006 we had a funeral service for our son, I spoke at the service. I stated that, “I truly believe I understand God’s purpose for this journey.” Today I don’t know if I completely did understand at that time or even now. I feel that God is still unveiling His purpose to me. I will always feel privileged that God chose me to carry an angel.
With further study of His Word at Southeastern University I can better understand how he was working in my life during that time and how I can better serve Him now.
Friday, January 8, 2010
March of Dimes - March For Babies
Every new mom is filled with excitement as she leaves her first prenatal appointment with a "goody bag" in hand. Your doctor's office provides you with so much literature about 'what to expect' over the next nine months, including information on classes from prenatal yoga to breastfeeding. But when life takes an unexpected turn and you learn your baby has a birth defect and will not survive you simply receive their advise, "terminate the pregnancy and try again".
I needed more, I began to search the internet and went out to www.marchofdimes.com and that is where I found a Pregnancy & Newborn Loss - Health Education Center - From Hurt to Healing:Dealing with the Death of Your Baby. Here you are able to request bereavement materials and interestingly enough Healthcare Providers can also contact the March of Dimes and purchase these materials to have in their offices - so why don't they?
March of Dimes was there for me and that is why we support them; our family is forming a March for Babies Family Team to help the March of Dimes work towards the day when all babies are born healthy. You can visit our team page at www.marchforbabies.org/LittleEric , please consider making a donation to March of Dimes or joining our team to walk with us.
From hurt to healing... The March of Dimes bereavement materials:
"The death of an infant is perhaps the most difficult and wrenching tragedy any family can imagine. You don't expect a baby to die. Babies mean the beginning of life, not the end. It's that contradiction that makes the death of a baby so alien to our understanding, so difficult to believe and accept.When a baby dies, a bit of hope dies too, a bit of our dream breaks away, a bit of our future is erased before ever being written. Besides the physical loss, there is an emotional loss and a loss of all that a new life promises. "
http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572_15999.asp
I needed more, I began to search the internet and went out to www.marchofdimes.com and that is where I found a Pregnancy & Newborn Loss - Health Education Center - From Hurt to Healing:Dealing with the Death of Your Baby. Here you are able to request bereavement materials and interestingly enough Healthcare Providers can also contact the March of Dimes and purchase these materials to have in their offices - so why don't they?
March of Dimes was there for me and that is why we support them; our family is forming a March for Babies Family Team to help the March of Dimes work towards the day when all babies are born healthy. You can visit our team page at www.marchforbabies.org/LittleEric , please consider making a donation to March of Dimes or joining our team to walk with us.
From hurt to healing... The March of Dimes bereavement materials:
"The death of an infant is perhaps the most difficult and wrenching tragedy any family can imagine. You don't expect a baby to die. Babies mean the beginning of life, not the end. It's that contradiction that makes the death of a baby so alien to our understanding, so difficult to believe and accept.When a baby dies, a bit of hope dies too, a bit of our dream breaks away, a bit of our future is erased before ever being written. Besides the physical loss, there is an emotional loss and a loss of all that a new life promises. "
http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572_15999.asp
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Out of Sequence Part II
My sibling was reading my blog and sent me a message that said: "I can't imagine what it feels like to lose the little one. I do hope you find peace with it someday, when you're ready." My response to that would be, "I thought I was at peace with it......". I remember leaving the hospital the Friday after I delivered Eric, my children were at home with my mother and father in law, they were playing in the courtyard while my in laws were seated on the bench. I remember walking out to the courtyard and my kids running up to me, they wrapped their arms around me as I bent over to hug them. I tried to rest that day, between preparing announcements to send to friends and family and planning to meet with the funeral home the following Monday. The doorbell had rang more than once with floral deliveries, each one received would bring me to tears. That Saturday, just a couple days post par tum I decided to "escape"; I went out to the spa to have a pedicure and manicure and then went to the department store to find appropriate clothes for the days ahead that I could actually fit into. We all know that following a delivery with an epidural one should not be driving for at least a week - that did not prevent me from "escaping my reality" that day. Sunday was Mother's Day, how bitter sweet, as they all have been since that year. We prepared to travel to West Virginia the next day to plan Eric's funeral service. I had cried my eyes out from the moment my son became an angel on Thursday, May 11th, till the time we had left for the funeral service on Tuesday, May 16th, I was determined to show great strength throughout my son's service and did not want to cry. I wanted to speak at my son's service and had shared the following prepared words:
I truly believe I understand God's purpose for this journey. And I feel privileged that he chose me to carry this child. Looking back we can see God's hand in every detail. He intricately placed certain people in our lives at just the right moment through out the past seven months.
In September of 2005 I chose to step down from management responsibilities and pursue other interests inside my company. Time had passed, my vacated position was still open and I was now carrying Eric, anxiously waiting for my shoes to be filled. In February of 2006 God placed Cathy Collins at Online, she would be my supervisor, but soon become so much more.
Cathy presented me with the following poem:
I truly believe I understand God's purpose for this journey. And I feel privileged that he chose me to carry this child. Looking back we can see God's hand in every detail. He intricately placed certain people in our lives at just the right moment through out the past seven months.
In September of 2005 I chose to step down from management responsibilities and pursue other interests inside my company. Time had passed, my vacated position was still open and I was now carrying Eric, anxiously waiting for my shoes to be filled. In February of 2006 God placed Cathy Collins at Online, she would be my supervisor, but soon become so much more.
Cathy presented me with the following poem:
To Our Son
Written by Cathy Collins
We loved you before we knew you,
Our baby, our child, our son,
As if there were none others,
And you were the only one.
The joy that we celebrated
Hoping soon to see your face,
Our family would be so perfect now,
You and Jared, Reagan, Ryann and Chase.
We know God loves you more than we,
He always does what's best,
He is not an unkind God
And He never makes mistakes.
There are things that we nay never,
Fully understand,
But with tear filled eyes and broken hearts
He somehow holds our hands.
He is gently leading us now,
Through paths to us unknown.
And together with His love and strength,
We will carry on.
No one will ever take your place,
Love Mommy and Daddy
Jared, Reagan, Ryann and Chase
God has a purpose and a plan for each one of us and it is time we look up and say, "God, I'm ready to listen now!"
My son's funeral service closed with CeCe Winan's song "You Will" playing, I bit my lip as I listened to the lyrics: "Another bird has flown, another part of all of us is gone. Another right has been wrong, will we go on and on. The words from each one of us are all to real, Still I'm not able to feel what you feel. And I cannot say how long it will take for you to heal, but I believe you will
And someday your broken heart will mend, I know it will. And you will find your smile again, so take your time. For time is what it's going to take. And then one morning you'll awake to find there's one less tear. And you're healed, I believe you will"
I felt God's presence and peace come over me as I listened to those lyrics, I was able to let go of the pain, anger and disappointment I had experienced over the prior months - or so I thought I had let go? Maybe it was just for that moment? Maybe I am just now finding my smile again, maybe posting to this blog is helping me heal - had I not found peace yet?
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